I Stand Alone
by My Alibi
Summary: Jaina must deal with the losses she has been dealt. Happens around the end or right after 'Dark Journey'.


Disclaimer I hate doing these...I do not own anything involving Star Wars.  
  
AN: I have been away from the Star Wars books for way too long! I actually got mad when they killed off Chewie early in the New Jedi Order thing and quit reading for awhile. But I'm back now! So don't tar and feather me for getting something terribly wrong!  
  
  
I Stand Alone  
  
Jaina Solo a few stands of her stringy brown hair unceremoniously behind her ear. She looked into the full length mirror before her and saw herself. Her brandy eyes seemed haunted, and the dark wide rings under her eyes only added to the effect. Her face was pale and drawn, from the lack of food and sleep she suffered from. Her neatly pressed flight suit didn't seem to fit the woman who wore it.   
  
"Damn." she muttered, forcing herself to look away. The way she looked only mirrored her feelings. She pulled her mental barriers tightly over her prepared to leave the room. The last thing she needed was any of her "friends" talking to her. The only thing anyone of them had spoke to her about was the dark side of the force. She was in perfect control, why couldn't anyone see that.   
  
"It's all your fault." she heard a strikingly familiar voice say. She looked around her room, feeling much like a terrified animal. Finally her eyes turned to the mirror. Her image was there, seeming like it had burned itself there.   
  
"I must be losing it." she told herself. But when she closed her eyes, she knew she was wrong.  
  
"No, your just guilty." Her eyes snapped up to the mirror. Her image smirked at her, though not the slightest hint of a smile touched her lips. "You know that it was your fault that he's dead." She was shocked. Her mirror was talking to her.  
  
"What do you mean?" she demanded. She shook her head.   
  
"Anakin died cause you couldn't be a big sister." the image taunted. Jaina grabbed the side of her head, and forced her eyes shut.   
  
"Shut up. It wasn't my fault!" she insisted. The image laughed harshly.  
  
"Keep telling yourself that. It doesn't make it any truer." Jaina felt hot tears threatening to spill down her face. She clenched a fist. "And should we talk about Jacen while we're at it?"   
  
Jaina cried out, letting the rage that had been bottled inside her spill out. She punched the mirror, cutting her hand wide as the glass shattered. The shards flew in every direction from the force of the blow. She stood among the wreckage as a storm of emotions overtook her.   
  
She felt her legs go weak as she fell to her knees. She buried her head in her hands and tried to gain control. Force induced wind made her hair fly as she let her raw power go. Things began to fly around and crash into walls, shattering.   
  
At this point she didn't care about anyone's warnings. All of her uncle's lessons were forgotten in the storm of rage and the need for revenge. She was desperate in her search for any sign she could get.  
  
Through all of the darkness, she felt a little light. A familiar presence caught her attention and a simple memory flooded her senses. She looked up from her hands and saw she wasn't in her dorm any longer.  
  
Two children ran and played a game, seeming to enjoy themselves.  
  
Jaina's eyes filled with tears.  
  
The two were twins. Their eyes shone the color of rich brandy.  
  
"Jaca..." she felt herself trail. A tear streaked it's way down her face. Suddenly movement from the other end of the chamber caught her eye. A man stood there, his gaze locking with hers. Twin brandy-brown eyes locked.  
  
"Stand strong, Jaya. You were always the rock." he called. Jaina shook her head and tried to force herself to run to him. Her legs wouldn't obey.  
  
"Jacen! Please! I need you! I can't stand strong, not alone!" she cried. He smiled the famous Solo grin and turned. As he strode away, the room faded away. Jaina was left alone in her room once again.  
  
Was Jacen alive? Was that the meaning she should take from that vision, or was it a meaning he was watching over her? She knelt alone and cried. She couldn't stop the tears as they spilled down her face.  
  
She was the oldest, the only girl. She was supposed to take care of her brothers. She had managed until now. Why did she have to fail so terribly? Anakin was dead, Jacen possibly as well.   
  
She was overcome with grief. Something inside her took control for a moment and she grabbed her lightsaber. The cool metal pommel hung heavy in her hand as she ignited it. The electric violet colored blade hummed gently in the air. She turned so the point was at her stomach, ready to shove the blade through her chest.  
  
But something stopped her, and she would have sworn she'd heard a baby coo. She slid her eyes open gently and switched the lightsaber off. She let the pommel fall to the floor and it hit with a gentle clang. Sitting on her dresser was a holovid of her cousin, the infant son of Luke Skywalker and Mara Jade Skywalker: Ben.   
  
Jaina had only seen Ben herself briefly right after he was born, but she loved him greatly. He was so sweet.  
  
For a reason that she didn't understand she picked up the lightsaber and hung it at her belt, her eyes never leaving the picture of Ben.   
  
In her mind she knew she would carry on. Even if the news came that Jacen truly was dead, or if the alien scum that were bent on her destruction never were defeated, she had a future that she had to carry out.   
  
A bright vision filled her heart. One of hope and the future. She didn't catch the whole thing, but it had something to do with a man with dark hair and green eyes. And the eventuality of a family of her own.  
  
And with that, a smile crept to her lips.   
  
I had to say a man with dark hair and green eyes cause every possible man for her seems to have dark hair and green eyes! Hehe, sorry. This was my first Star Wars fic, so be kind! And review now! 


End file.
